Shitty Poem
There is a reason I write prose instead of poetry: my prose is often bloated, self-indulgent and derivative, but my poetry is just plain BAD. However, Eclecta has challenged me to silence my inner-critic, and we've both taken 30 minutes to jot down the first "shitty poem" to come into our heads. Here's mine -Transition is a shade between black and blue
Darkness gradually becoming less dark
Stars twinkle their retirement
The moon winks its adieu
There is a sacred space where nighttime meets morning
Where orange peeks over the horizon
Burning with the passion of possibilities
Shedding golden light on corners bathed in shadow
Suddenly, the sky melts into a soft, inviting pink
A hopeful hue that holds no burdens
With unassuming grace, it declares to the world:
A new day has dawned.
Here's hers.
And if you happen to see my inner critic, feel free to give her a kick in the balls.
posted by Jay @ 7:28 PM
22 Comments:
That's actually quite cool.
And isn't that the way with inner critics? Even the female ones have balls that clank when they walk. ;-)
Glad you got to shut yours up and write without the little nagging voice. :-) Nice result.
~Saoirse
This is the second blog I've read today that has mentioned the inner critic.... I never listen to critics...
BTW, thanks for stoppin by my mobile blog! :)
You captured my favorite time of the day beautifully. Tell your inner critic to take a hike.
Hey - i really liked this: "The moon winks its adieu" - didn't think it was shite at all! Hope you don't mind but i linked you to the Poetry Train. I'm evil like that.
I'll gladly kick your inner critic 'cause if that's sucky poetry, everyone's lying about how good mine is...
Nice to see you join the train! Hope you'll hang with us more often.
If 'Shitty" means good, you're right!
Toronto?
I grew up in the Beaches, Woodbine and Queen. Went to U of T, 12 years!
My last name is "Ryerson" Don't get more Toronto than that!
Egads, another blog to keep up with.
This was good because it got a little scene out into the open without a long drawn out lead in. You painted a great picture
I rather liked it. It sparked imagery in my head. (Not something that happens often with poetry).
"There is a sacred space where nighttime meets morning"
I love this line. It brings to mind a clearing in a dark wood where you can say goodbye to the moon and hello to the sun. :)
TA
Cool post. Great imagery. Welcome aboard the Poetry Train.
Hey It's the inner critic who spurs us on to do better leave her balls alone.
There's a train now?
What time do we board?
hmmmm, yep, your inner critic needs a "paradigm shift", (sorry, i'm getting sucked into the Landmark lingo, starting to talk like my daughter who is turning into a robot!!!
....i digress....
i LOVED your poem! i agree; if poo smelt as sweet as your sentences sound, (wow, how's that for alliteration?) then we would not need air freshener.
love it love it love it!!
enuf said,
cheers for now,
pj
hey Jay - Poetry Trains happens every monday! Hop over to my blog on mondays and put your link in the Mr. Linky thing so all the other writers can come by and enjoy your pieces! It's kind of a no rules thing, so play when you want, post what you want.
YAY for shitty poetry!
I love writing shitty poems.
Yours was good though.
Keep writing...from one Torontonian
to another.
I dig your blog. Came here via LeeAnn. I hope you don't mind, but I'm adding a link to my blog. Thanks, Mike
That was beautiful. Beautiful.
i think
lone beader
got it right...
I never listen to critics...
/t.
That is wonderful. Don't know why, but most artists are insanely hard on themselves. It's a hard habit to break. Don't be.
Inner critic = own worst enemy. I really liked your poem. It was easily imaginable.
I look forward to more and I hope the clanky balls condition heals soon.
nothing changes in thy world. not even transition. darkness descends every night, only to give way to light again. and light continues the cycle... till there is nothing left but the pattern.
the end exists only to justify the beginning of another end.
2 things:
1. I like it.
2. Your inner critic has BALLS??!!
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