Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Shitty Poem

There is a reason I write prose instead of poetry: my prose is often bloated, self-indulgent and derivative, but my poetry is just plain BAD. However, Eclecta has challenged me to silence my inner-critic, and we've both taken 30 minutes to jot down the first "shitty poem" to come into our heads. Here's mine -

Transition is a shade between black and blue
Darkness gradually becoming less dark
Stars twinkle their retirement
The moon winks its adieu

There is a sacred space where nighttime meets morning
Where orange peeks over the horizon
Burning with the passion of possibilities
Shedding golden light on corners bathed in shadow

Suddenly, the sky melts into a soft, inviting pink
A hopeful hue that holds no burdens
With unassuming grace, it declares to the world:
A new day has dawned.

Here's hers.

And if you happen to see my inner critic, feel free to give her a kick in the balls.


At 9:52 PM, Blogger Saoirse Redgrave said...

That's actually quite cool.

And isn't that the way with inner critics? Even the female ones have balls that clank when they walk. ;-)

Glad you got to shut yours up and write without the little nagging voice. :-) Nice result.


At 11:28 AM, Blogger The Lone Beader said...

This is the second blog I've read today that has mentioned the inner critic.... I never listen to critics...

BTW, thanks for stoppin by my mobile blog! :)

At 8:47 PM, Blogger mad said...

You captured my favorite time of the day beautifully. Tell your inner critic to take a hike.

At 3:08 AM, Blogger Rhian / Crowwoman said...

Hey - i really liked this: "The moon winks its adieu" - didn't think it was shite at all! Hope you don't mind but i linked you to the Poetry Train. I'm evil like that.

At 8:41 AM, Blogger Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'll gladly kick your inner critic 'cause if that's sucky poetry, everyone's lying about how good mine is...

Nice to see you join the train! Hope you'll hang with us more often.

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Rhetorically Sterculian said...

If 'Shitty" means good, you're right!
I grew up in the Beaches, Woodbine and Queen. Went to U of T, 12 years!
My last name is "Ryerson" Don't get more Toronto than that!

At 10:01 AM, Blogger Sparky Duck said...

Egads, another blog to keep up with.

This was good because it got a little scene out into the open without a long drawn out lead in. You painted a great picture

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Lisa Andel said...

I rather liked it. It sparked imagery in my head. (Not something that happens often with poetry).

At 2:26 PM, Blogger T.A.Chase said...

"There is a sacred space where nighttime meets morning"

I love this line. It brings to mind a clearing in a dark wood where you can say goodbye to the moon and hello to the sun. :)


At 5:45 PM, Blogger Ann said...

Cool post. Great imagery. Welcome aboard the Poetry Train.

At 4:15 AM, Blogger SJ said...

Hey It's the inner critic who spurs us on to do better leave her balls alone.

At 8:25 AM, Blogger Jay said...

There's a train now?
What time do we board?

At 8:50 AM, Blogger P said...

hmmmm, yep, your inner critic needs a "paradigm shift", (sorry, i'm getting sucked into the Landmark lingo, starting to talk like my daughter who is turning into a robot!!!

....i digress....

i LOVED your poem! i agree; if poo smelt as sweet as your sentences sound, (wow, how's that for alliteration?) then we would not need air freshener.

love it love it love it!!

enuf said,
cheers for now,

At 3:40 PM, Blogger Rhian / Crowwoman said...

hey Jay - Poetry Trains happens every monday! Hop over to my blog on mondays and put your link in the Mr. Linky thing so all the other writers can come by and enjoy your pieces! It's kind of a no rules thing, so play when you want, post what you want.

At 12:04 AM, Blogger silencio said...

YAY for shitty poetry!
I love writing shitty poems.
Yours was good though.
Keep writing...from one Torontonian
to another.

At 3:15 AM, Blogger Michael Dingler said...

I dig your blog. Came here via LeeAnn. I hope you don't mind, but I'm adding a link to my blog. Thanks, Mike

At 5:28 AM, Blogger Gardenia said...

That was beautiful. Beautiful.

At 9:05 PM, Blogger /t. said...

i think
lone beader
got it right...

I never listen to critics...


At 7:28 AM, Blogger Gardenia said...

That is wonderful. Don't know why, but most artists are insanely hard on themselves. It's a hard habit to break. Don't be.

At 9:18 PM, Blogger Aggie said...

Inner critic = own worst enemy. I really liked your poem. It was easily imaginable.
I look forward to more and I hope the clanky balls condition heals soon.

At 6:32 AM, Blogger Ben said...

nothing changes in thy world. not even transition. darkness descends every night, only to give way to light again. and light continues the cycle... till there is nothing left but the pattern.
the end exists only to justify the beginning of another end.

At 7:12 PM, Blogger knifey said...

2 things:

1. I like it.

2. Your inner critic has BALLS??!!


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