Friday, March 16, 2007

Unanswered Prayers

I used to pray for company. For another heart that bled like mine. Someone who felt as deeply as I did and knew both the blessings and the curse. I prayed from selfish, impure motives, without care for consequences. I tried to pray away the loneliness.

I used to pray for peace. For the walls to stop shaking and my bones to stop quaking. To stop the tears, or the blood, or the fear. I prayed from lack of faith, not knowing that strength grows out of weakness. I tried to pray away the pain.

I used to pray for protection. From the knowable and the unknowable. From the sadness that surrounds us, the unseen enemies and the isolation. I prayed without humbling myself, not trusting in the greater good. I tried to pray away the insecurity.

I used to pray for understanding. To know my own fortune and find a path that I could follow unafraid. To win without having gambled. I prayed for my own will to be done. I tried to pray away the peril.

I used to pray for salvation. To deliver my friends from the clutches of their addictions. To save them from themselves. I prayed without confessing my own sins. I tried to pray away the suffering, the stigma, and the guilt.

I used to pray.


At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still do pray

At 10:12 AM, Blogger liz fenwick said...

Don't stop breathes soul into your life.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger some girl said...

I like this blog very much.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Mr. Althouse said...

I like this.

I can relate on so many levels. I never had any belief in any kind of spiritual being before October 17, 2000. Then I didn't even understand it. I still don't.

I try to keep it simple and pray only for God's will - that's it.

Thanks for stopping by my blog,


At 4:36 PM, Blogger Vid Digger said...

I use to pray to, and maybe God answered my prayers, just I haven't noticed. So much is going through my head that I can barely stay focused, but music always seems to bring me back from the edge, that's if I don't hear the wrong songs.

At 11:54 AM, Blogger Don said...

Praying? Can't say I've ever engaged in it, unless you count meditation. I once read that some Chrisitan mystics pray using simple prayers repeated over and over like a mantra. Seems like mystics the world over are essentially doing the same thing.

You ever seen Shadowlands the film? In this, the main protagonist, C.S.Lewis the novelist, of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe fame (played by Anthony Hopkins), was asked if he thought praying changed the world. He replied, "no, but it changes me!".

At 8:02 PM, Blogger tallulah said...

Despite my agnostic tendencies, I feel that prayer can change the world. I don't neccesarily pray to "a god", but it's more of a positive thinking and reminding yourself of things you need to imiprove on and your wishes for others. Some people call it meditation. Whatever works...just keep the juices flowing.

At 8:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For me, there is a God. And praying always helps. Maybe sometimes not in the way we want them to, but always just have faith, that there's a reason for everything. And God knows what's best for us, even though we don't understand it. That's what faith is all about. Learning to surrender everything to HIM, and trusting HIM completely.

Nice blog! Wanna exchange links? :) Here's my blog:

At 1:45 PM, Blogger kintheatl said...

I love this.

I still pray and hope someone's listening.


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