Unanswered PrayersI used to pray for company. For another heart that bled like mine. Someone who felt as deeply as I did and knew both the blessings and the curse. I prayed from selfish, impure motives, without care for consequences. I tried to pray away the loneliness.
I used to pray for peace. For the walls to stop shaking and my bones to stop quaking. To stop the tears, or the blood, or the fear. I prayed from lack of faith, not knowing that strength grows out of weakness. I tried to pray away the pain.
I used to pray for protection. From the knowable and the unknowable. From the sadness that surrounds us, the unseen enemies and the isolation. I prayed without humbling myself, not trusting in the greater good. I tried to pray away the insecurity.
I used to pray for understanding. To know my own fortune and find a path that I could follow unafraid. To win without having gambled. I prayed for my own will to be done. I tried to pray away the peril.
I used to pray for salvation. To deliver my friends from the clutches of their addictions. To save them from themselves. I prayed without confessing my own sins. I tried to pray away the suffering, the stigma, and the guilt.
I used to pray.