Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Father For Sale

SWM seeks new family because we don't want him anymore.


Enjoys solitary drives, NASCAR, the Dixie Chicks, and alternating between abusing and neglecting his children.


Bald, fat, and lazy, he'd do best in a home where no one ever depends on him, because when he finally shows up after an unexplained 5 day absence, he makes promises just to break them.


Comes with plenty of baggage but no assets besides the money he stole from his daughter's piggy bank. Uncommunicative and lacking a sense of humour, he's best suited to a woman with extremely low expectations. Loyal like a leach.


Priced for quick sale; his expiration date is fast approaching.

11 Comments:

At 2:11 PM, Blogger nash said...

Stick him on eBay - let the bidding frenzy begin!

 
At 1:28 AM, Blogger Inconsequential said...

gosh, surely it'd be more humane to pop him over to the vets and have him put to sleep...

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger Kelley Bell said...

I like your style. You have what lit agents call "a fresh voice."
At least I think you do, but then again, I'm not an agent, so my opinion doesn't really count.

Happy New Year!

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger GEL said...

I hear you. A certain relative of mine I'd rather not claim was born during this week. That's what I based my "poem" "Clothes the Door" on, now under the song title "Dirty Laundry."
Creative venting here.

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger Shanna Thompson said...

Just put him out on the curb for city pick up.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Angela in Europe said...

Kick him to the curb and let the trash people collect him!

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Antipodeesse said...

Jay, how come I only discovered this blog now? I’ve been a Kill the Goat groupie for near on two years!

Your short stories are so satisfying, touching and disturbing. I’d love to watch you work, and to know if you polish and edit them much, or if they spring, fully-formed, from your genius brow...

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger Brooklyn Frank said...

this wld be funny if not so sad. :(

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger MsLittlePea said...

I know a Goodwill donation center where you can drop him off. I have a couple relatives I wouldn't mind dropping off there, myself!

Thanks for your visit! I checked out your other blogs quickly-so jealous of them, in the good way:o) I sooo loved everything and I ended up here reading about your grandparents and missing mine so much.

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger d. chedwick bryant said...

I agree with Inconsequential.

 
At 1:21 AM, Blogger iamnasra said...

This is hard one ...I tell you..Despite the bold word of marketing...some pain still lingers in the air ...

 

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